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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?